1996 Quite a Year for Domestic Violent Movies… and a Domestic Violent Life

I mentally prepared, and I watched Fear on Netflix last night. I won't rehash the similarities/memories I get from that movie - please read those here if you haven't already. I hadn't watched that movie in the 8 years since I last wrote about it. Maja and I had toyed with the idea of trying…

Kinda Anti-Jantelagen of Me

This afternoon, I have my next therapy appointment, so I read over the "homework" related post I did last week called I want to hate you, to prepare. I re-read it thinking things like... would I really tell him I did MMA for a while? Would I want to tell him outright it made me…

I Could See Me in Her

I've mentioned this topic a time or two and said I'd write about it, so here goes. A couple weeks ago Maja and I were texting and she said something to the effect of how she keeps asking herself how I would have turned out if I had stayed in Sweden after graduation, instead of…

A Feminist When It Suited Her

This generally was originally published as two posts in January and March 2018 on my old blog... I have merged the two posts and updated it and edited some parts out/added some new parts etc. In 2018, I came across this image while scrolling on facebook, that international women's day, attached to a Swedish news…

Toxic Friendship

*Originally published July 9, 2015. A post about the red flags I ignored in David... I deleted a lot of the original intro that had nothing to do with it... I am now going to post an answer to a question I was asked on Stories That Must Not Die. I submitted two of my…

Not When He’s Smiling

"He doesn't look abusive," she said when I showed her a picture of my ex."No, I suppose he doesn't," I responded. Thinking to myself, at least not when he's smiling... if he was screaming in her face, she wouldn't think that.It was always fun with him around, until it wasn't. He was always happy-go-lucky... until…

Because “Nathan said” – Therapy Journal Entry #2

Another recent journal entry - again please forgive any rambling or disjointedness from me skipping parts. Trigger warning: Domestic and Sexual assault content I know now, well, I figured it out when I was initially diagnosed with PTSD (just a few years ago) that I had PTSD after Wyatt as well. I remember I would…

Apologizing When it’s Not My Fault – Therapy Journal Entry #1

As promised, a recent therapy journal entry - forgive the rambling nature at times. I also am skipping over some parts/leaving parts out so if it seems a little disjointed, I apologize. ...He's been under the impression that I just don't care, that I never care, because of how I shut down; become "quiet" and…

“Oh, He Will Recognize You Immediately.”

I had an acute mental health crisis this last week. I'm ok... Feeling better as the days go by. I spiraled, then fell into a state of severe apathy for a few days. Basically, I did what I said I didn't want to do. I called Dane and I did get confirmation that David moved…

He… They…Were My David McCall

I mentioned in my last post that not only was Benji essentially my Shawn Hunter, but David and Wyatt, in essence, were jointly my David McCall from the 1996 movie "Fear." I wrote about this, very explicitly, on my old blog... Now that time has passed from me having revisited the movie back in 2016…